What is schema therapy?

Schema therapy, an innovation in cognitive behavioral therapy, is based on the theory that human beings may experience as many as 18 different schemas, defined as an intense combination of feelings and simple thoughts, formed in childhood, but causing relationship dysfunction or self-esteem problems in adulthood.

Where do schemas come from?

Schemas are a way of relating to the world in childhood, in the context of our family story, in terms of how we were treated, and how we had to cope. If a child experiences unmet emotional needs, they cope by forming a pattern of managing the need, which is a schema.

How many schemas can a person have?

Depending on the difficulty encountered in childhood experience of unmet needs, a person may experience as many as 6 or more schemas. Some schemas may make up your baseline experience, operating for much of the day, while others are infrequently triggered.

How long do schemas last?

Schemas may dissipate as we reach adulthood, though in situations of intense emotional experience, may briefly return. While schemas may go dormant, they never fully disappear if triggers occur. However, you can learn how to better manage them when they do appear.

How can I change a schema?

By understanding our schemas and what events trigger them, we may gain better control over those impulses, reactions, habits, and feelings influenced by schemas. With a therapist, the process often involves:

• Journaling to notice schemas and triggers

• CBT to build new coping skills

• Experiential therapy to address emotions

• Evidence-based behavior change techniques

• Use the self-help schema therapy book Your Coping Skills Aren’t Working

What are the 18 schemas?

Be sure to click on each term below for a full, 1,000 word definition of each schema, including signs you may have the schema, how it affects relationships, and tips for overcoming it.

1. Emotional Deprivation Schema: With emotional deprivation schema, your childhood caregivers were not up to hearing, validating, mirroring, and responding to your needs.

2. Abandonment Schema: Intensity in your love relationships, and overwhelming pain and deep loss when they end, characterize abandonment schema.

3. Mistrust/Abuse Schema: People with the mistrust/abuse schema have learned rules from what they experienced as a cruel, mean, abusive world. With this schema, one's brain considers relationships to be a potential threat, so it keeps the stress response turned on.

4. Social Isolation Schema: People with social isolation schema may have grown up feeling like they don’t belong, and like there’s something wrong with them.They may avoid people and find relationships fake and exhausting, and may feel they can relax and be themselves only when they’re alone.

5. Defectiveness Schema: You’ll know you have defectiveness schema if you chronically feel shame. You feel unlovable. Defectiveness is the official schema therapy term, but you can call it the “I’m unlovable” schema.

6. Failure Schema: Failure schema begins early in childhood as the child learns how to do things, including talking, bodily dexterity, coordination, and tasks.By getting love and support and cheering on when they fail, children learn that failure isn’t “bad” or a reason to feel rejected.

7. Dependency Schema: Those with dependency schema may feel incapable of handling one or more important elements of living an independent adult life.

8. Vulnerability Schema: Triggered feelings of vulnerability may be more about your past than what’s happening now. Certain childhood experiences may leave an imprint that the world is dangerous, and life is fragile, so you feel you must always be careful.

9. Enmeshment Schema: Enmeshment schema is feeling guilt, obligation, anxiety, and worry about your family’s feelings and approval.

10. Subjugation Schema: Subjugation schema is triggered when you want to express emotion but feel you must contain it because it would be too scary or risky. There are two types of subjugation: subjugation based on fear and subjugation based on guilt.

11. Self-sacrifice Schema: People with self-sacrifice schema feel responsible for other people’s pain and find it hard to tolerate without trying to fix it. Self-sacrifice schema comes from living in a situation of having too much responsibility before one's time.

12. Emotional Inhibition Schema: Emotional inhibition schema is a condition of subconsciously numbing emotion, with the implied belief that emotions are a problem. Growing up in a family where showing emotion led to being punished, hurt, ridiculed, exploited, or neglected is one source of this schema.

13. Unrelenting Standards Schema: Also called perfectionism, or the feeling that what you do is never enough, it generally leads to worse outcomes than when people set specific goals for excellence.

14. Self-Absorption or Entitlement Schema: Entitlement schema is preoccupation with certain thoughts, feelings, or needs to the point of self-absorption. Entitlement is the experience of a long unmet childhood need for validation.

15. Insufficient Self-Control Schema: Insufficient self-control schema is the experience of states of impulsiveness, usually related to several compulsive behaviors. If it’s tough for you to moderate or control your impulses around pleasure, you may have an insufficient self-control schema.

16. Approval Seeking Schema: Approval-seeking schema is a pattern repeatedly triggered in an individual who feels compelled to find others' approval.

17. Negativity/Pessimism Schema: Negativity schema is believing you are likely to fail if you try, the world will not provide for you, and you are better off not trying. Negativity schema may come out of an experience of genuine deprivation, neglect, and emotional hardship.

18. Punitiveness Schema: The voice of an inner critic who makes demands on you and speaks in a highly critical, mean, punitive tone.